Graduating Seniors of the Neglected Reading List, pt. 1

Sometime about two (three...? four...?) years ago, my dear cousin Melia handed me a book and said*, "You need to read this! I think you'll really enjoy it!" I glanced at the title and mentally agreed with her, even while I reluctantly took the book from her hands. The words "you need to read this" inevitably throw my brain back to high school English and that harried, annoyed feeling that came with every reading assignment. How many high school reading assignments did I actually finish? None come to mind at the moment. (Sorry, teachers.)

But, well, the title of this book was Alpha Beta: How 26 Letters Shaped the Western World by John Man. What's not to like about that?

Except that it was now basically assigned as homework, of course.

So I dutifully took it home with me. At some point, I read the first chapter (32 whole pages!), and I did find it interesting. It's not the sort of book one reads in a single sitting, though. I am a single-sitting reader, not because I have an excessively long attention span, but because if the book doesn't grab my attention within that single sitting, I set it aside and forget about it.

This becomes a problem with borrowed books. For the last two (three? four?) years, this particular book has transferred from place to place within my bedroom. It is not allowed to mingle with my books. I have kept it wholly separate because it belongs to someone else. However, it is something of a fixture, and I've always known exactly where it was. I thought for a bit that I should just return it, but there comes a point (when you might have read the book thirty times over, I think) that I decide I really do have to read the danged thing before I give it back. Besides that, I'm a language nerd, and the prospect of reading a book about the rise of the alphabet as a writing system really does appeal to me.

(As a side note, yes, my cousin knows I still have it. I make certain to mention it to her once ever few months, and she seems perfectly fine with letting me keep it as long as needs be, much to my chagrin.)

At long last, this month, I determined that I would read it once and for all. I am now halfway through.

And I despise it.

To be fair, the book is loaded with gobs of interesting information about writing systems in general, archeology, etc. The circumstances surrounding the creation of the Korean alphabet were fascinating. The excavation at the Wadi el-Hol in Egypt was equally so. The real problem is the narrative. With each chapter I read, I dislike the author more and more.

I couldn't quite put my finger on why until yesterday, though.

Chapter 5, "Into Sinai"

Here the author diverges away on a tangent. There is no physical evidence of the Hebrew people having any ties to the land of Egypt before or during the assumed time of the Exodus in the Bible. Fine, I don't care. The Hebrew alphabet apparently does hold resemblance to Proto-Sinaitic, and their history claims ties to Egypt, so somewhere along the lines, somehow, they must have picked up and developed those marks into a serviceable alphabetic writing system, which they put to good use in recording their customs and beliefs. There. I've just summarized all the relevant information from the chapter.

Would that Man could have been so succinct. Instead, he decides to detail how many things are wrong with the Biblical account, both of Abraham's grandkids moving to Egypt and with the mass Exodus from it. There is no physical evidence for a Hebrew enslavement in Egypt. Obviously, those were just myths the Jewish people told to make themselves and their religion look more important. If he'd just left it at that, even, I might've overlooked it with little more than an eye-roll.

But no. Because he feels the need to explain how the Hebrews might have come into possession of their alphabet, he describes a totally hypothetical and equally unprovable scenario: maybe at some point, some insignificant group of Hebrews were living in Egypt. Maybe they took part in this little failed rebellion attempt against the pharaoh (a random event to which we do have archeological reference!), and had to flee afterward, and they took this newfangled writing system with them. Somewhere in the desert, their leader (who we'll call Moses, since it's convenient for a Moses to exist in this totally hypothetical situation) was overcome by... dementia, hallucinations, delusions of grandeur? In Man's exact words, "He conceives the idea that he is under the direct guidance of a godhead." (p. 143) That explains how the Hebrew alphabet became such an entrenched part of their religion.

EXCEPT THAT IT'S ALL HYPOTHETICAL.

Here's the thing, Mr. Man. That whole "no archeological evidence to support this story" sword cuts both ways. Don't make up crap just because you don't happen to believe the explanations already provided. Any science that deals with events that happened prior to our time is full of gaping holes, meaning that there are many things for which we have no physical evidence to prove or disprove. (Trust me: if someone could categorically disprove that the Hebrews were ever in bondage to Egypt, it would've been broadcast from the rooftops.)

Ultimately my frustration lies with the pseudo-intellectual, "everything I say is more plausible than what anyone else could have possibly come up with, especially if that person is at all religious" mentality. Why should I trust John Man's account any more than I trust the Biblical one? If you're trying to report history, stick to the facts. That might require saying something along the lines of, "Although Biblical accounts link the early Hebrew people to the Egyptians, there has never been uncovered any physical evidence of that event. We don't know exactly how their alphabet developed, but it does not seem beyond the realm of possibility--indeed, given its close resemblance to Proto-Sinaitic, it seems quite reasonable--to suggest that the knowledge of an alphabet traveled across Sinai and into Israel via their Hebrew ancestors." Then include an explanation of how the Hebrews used their alphabet, perhaps some details of its earlier incarnations (if such details even exist), and move on.

Oh, but then the chapter would be about twenty pages shorter. We can't have that.

/sarcasm

Anyway, I do plan on finishing the book. I only have five chapters left, and now that I've ranted about the smarmy narration, I feel renewed enough to ignore it some more. Basically, the history of the alphabet I find to be very interesting. I just don't like the vessel that's being used to convey it.

And I'm glad it was a borrowed book. Sucks to be the poor schmuck** who's paying $21.33 for it on Amazon.

*To be fair, she probably did not say these exact words. Seeing as how this event took place two (three, four) years ago, and my memory is by no means perfect, I am merely conveying the message my brain received at that moment in time.

**My cousin Melia is no such person, I here note. I am 92.2% certain that she purchased this book at the annual used book sale we frequent together, at considerably less than its MSRP.